Its ME....

My Connection with '8'

2011-07-05T08:21:00.000-07:00

When I look up at numbers, the Hindu-Arabic numerals(0-9) I have always wondered "What do you people mean??What is the evolution of numbers??" But all of a sudden I was struck with the question, "How do the numbers relate to humans?? individuals??" to which I found a rather bizarre and shocking answer..!This is how I found My Connection to the number 8 (eight)..!!
When I searched the Wiki for '8' it listed the history of 8 beginning with its involvement in Maths to the various other fields in which it is referred as in culture,astronomy,music,sports..!! The info from wiki is pretty interesting. What interests me most is the role that this number has played in my life, rather 'playing' in my life!
Apart from the strange fact that I am born on Oct 9th rather than Oct 8th,( which doesnt make any difference since I celebrate both dates :) )everything else in my life seem to be in 'line' with '8'.Since I do not have any solid proof from my childhood regarding '8' (which Iam very sure would have existed) I started up investigating with my 10th std mark sheet. And Voila..!!I was right. Let me walk you through "My Journey With Eight" :)
1.My register number for 10th std public exam was 891944 which totals to '8'. I was suppose to have got 891945 but the tragic death of a girl from my class(Manjula) tossed me into this number. You may think "whats so strange in this??! Well read on..;)
2.My second material was my 12th mark sheet.What a shocker or maybe as you think a "coincidence" that my 12th exam register number was 465506 which even totals to 8.
Ok.. what else??
3.My college was listed as the 8th college in 2006(when I completed 12th) TN counselling book.
4.And now, My TCS employee ID is (****55)( sry cant reveal :) ) which even totals to 8.:)
5.And most importantly, my future is with 8..!:) My frnds will know the true meaning of this..:)
You may still say its a coincidence, Yeah..maybe..but its more than a mere coincidence for me..
I strongly believe that every number relates to every individual in one way.. or the other..!Its upto us to find out..Well! that's my "Number" story..whats yours???:);)

Everyday observations :)

2011-05-09T09:18:00.000-07:00

What do people do on their way to office or the vice versa..??Have anyone took time to look at people sitting near and around you??Have you come out of your ipod or iphone or mobile music or fm radio and looked around??Maybe rarely.
I am no born observer but when I realised that I was too much addicted to my ipod that it stays in my ears all through my travel and work I took up another hobby to eradicate this.That is how I started observing people(note it,"observing" not "staring" :) )
To those who have no idea I will tell you that observing people around gives you peace of mind,makes you laugh, makes you think from their perspective!Strange but true. As long as I have noticed,things that people mostly do is

--sleep : This category is the one that shocks me the most!! They get in the bus, find a seat, make themselves comfortable and 'boom' they are in their dreams!!! At every bump in the road they stir as if in bed and thats it!!! I really used to wonder what are they too tired about!!work or eating too much from canteen..:P I categorize them as "Lucky ones".

--talk loudly over the mobile : This category is the one I hate!!Come on people!!! there are others near you and this is no private quarters of yours!!!! I have heard people talk about family issues,advicing others, love chats,fighting to husband or wife, solve office issues,talk to friends, inviting people..!!!Is there no other place for all this..!!!?I would suggest them to talk low or just deal it later coz others have problem too other than hearing their loud talks..!But these people are the merry makers as some of their talks tend to make you laugh..but never do that aloud!!!:P I categorize them as "Speakers"

--listen to songs : People of this category are interesting to watch..!They tend to involve with the song tapping their feets and shaking their heads..!Few smile and laugh to what they hear.They are never disturbing to anyone except the driver..!!Because they get down at their stops wearing headphones mingling with the music,leaving behind an hyper irritated driver shouting at them to wait till the bus stops!!!!:)They act as if they belong else where..and I have no idea what is that where!!! I categorize them as "Aliens"

--Eating :Ah..!!These people leave everybody's mouth to water and tummy's to grumble in the bus.They always have a stock of fruit or nuts or chocolates.!!Most people in this category are pregnant women and Iam not going to blame them.I categorize them as " Stock holders"

--Looking outside : I really pity these people. They tend to travel on the same road every morning and night, they tend to look at same things every time. But what is so interesting outside that they never want to miss it a single day!!? Or is it that they are lost in thought staring outside??Trying to find solutions to unknown problems??? I have no idea!!! I categorize them as " Watchers"

Other things I have noticed people do very rarely is play mobile games, watch videos,look out for their stop even though it is 15min away!!!
People surprise me a lot with such differences in characteristics and mannerism..They are really interesting to observe..
But..if you are planning to observe people, make sure you are not observed..:)

Bringing back to Life..

2011-04-17T10:23:00.000-07:00

When I looked at my Blog's archive, there is no '2011'...! Its already 2011 April now..!Damn.. What was I doing all the time from September(my last post).!!There was loads happening in my life...happy,sad,exciting..Then why dint I pen them down?!In fact I have a steady net connection at home..!Gosh Ishu..!U have wasted a lot many months and days where there was so much going on..That got me thinking..a lot of thinking..! I kept on thinking about stuff, everything stupid,facts of life, blah blah..I was thinking even on my way to office and back home..Maybe its my suppressed thoughts for the past months that want a release from my heart and brain..!I realized if I leave my life to drag me it would drag me to the end of world. Why not take a reverse gear and drag my life around a bit..I have decided to give life to my blog and to my brain..Let me pump oxygen into it bit by bit..:):P Expecting more posts from me..:P Love you blog..:)

2010-09-09T22:55:00.000-07:00

A piece from my diary...

I feel excited to write after a long time.:) Missed my blog and missed writing...happy to give a better job to my fingers than just coding..okayyy...jokes apart..:P
hi everyone...!!!
Life is a mystery, what you do in that is a history says someone great... I would never deny it. Coz things have changed a lot since I joined job...ehh...both in a good way and bad way. Maybe iam not creating a history but sure am I revealing all mysteries :)
The good thing is I learned to sit in a place and code for a long time and next to get up early and most of all to give full attendance...:) The bad thing is the same stuff mentioned.. :D But the best thing is Iam learning to cope up with both..! Initially I have to admit I hated being there, learning and taking test... but then I understood it is for a reason and that reason is for my good. Now for sure I love my job no matter what...But when you get into a job whether TCS or any other corporate just remember, “You are not here to waste time” and more than that threatening statement I would like to add, “Love what you do”. :) Our office is like a different world, once you get into it you will never know what happens outside...!! Whether its sunny or rainy..! Moreover, without internet at hostel I totally feel disconnected from the world. I even forgot to wish few of my friends on their birthdays..:(, which I would never forget doing...! Okay let us move on...!
About my training, first few days we had orientations dealing with what is what. Then we are put up in zones where you sit with your system and implement what you learnt (this is what they say :) ) The Tech sessions go on for a whole day where we sit at our cubicles and learn to code. We tend to discuss and chitchat with our associates:). We were divided into groups and asked to complete exercises and this goes on for weeks. In addition, the LS (Life Skill) sessions are about developing your language and presentation skills. We are asked to talk, express and improve. These sessions are quite interesting coz if you are good at expressing fluently this is all fun. However, for people who have trouble with that I would say, “please try” and its never a bad thing to try..! Here too we are made into groups and they expect us to interact :) That’s with training, sounds simple right..? :) Not a thought, it’s never simple.
From my point of view, I consider training as a place where u really learn. This learning is not just your coding and language skills but also different people. You tend to meet many people and get to know them. A few you may befriend and others whom you to tend to pass with a smile. I got to know many friends (call them as associates says my facilitator :) ) from a different college and place. Even few of my roommates are from another college and iam quite close to them. Therefore, it is a place where you recognise, like and share. I even learnt about few of my associates love stories, very interesting. :) We learn the basics but mostly we are on our own to do self-study. I find many among us making good use of this time and a few struggling very hard to cope up. That is a very good thing coz you don’t lose anything by trying. Whatever, I could say training is how you look at it, consider it a pup it’s very friendly and faithful to you but when you look at it as a big bad wolf sure it will bounce at you and tear you up.. :)
Coming to my life, the only things I do as a routine is go to office come back eat and sleep. (And obviously roaming and chatting with friends :)) Its not that I don’t have time to write or shoot pictures...that would be wrong, seriously wrong!!! I have time but no mind set! Yeah...that is the truth but I think I need to balance and make way for my stuff. Anyways, Iam hoping to write again and very soon :) Bye..

You...

2010-05-28T00:59:00.000-07:00

I have always wondered what makes him so superior to you when it is you, who understands me the most...
I remember the times when I did want to cry, to drown myself in tears...you were always there to hold me...
Listening to every word I said...valuing every tear of mine as your own...
The moments when I wanted to break everything in the room, you were there...yet again...Telling me its ok...and that things will pass...
Reminding me the value of things, I would lose due to my anger....
All the while, I melt in love and dream about, would be of him but every time I get hurt coz of it, it is to you I turn...
You shouldn’t be there for me...but you are...To heal my heart...as my friend, comforter...
Making me realise my silly childhood fantasies of love...making the whole matured me...
Every night when I miss him...his nearness and voice...
It was you who accompanied me...you lay with me for hours letting me pour my depressions...
I slept many days in your arms knowing you never slept any of those nights...you could say iam selfish...but you don’t...
I keep asking myself...do I deserve you...?
I have shared everything with you...from morning walks to my last dreams...
Every tiny detail that I have not shared with my mom or gotten advice from dad...
All my likes and dislikes...my favourites and specials...my fears and strengths...
I never have expected a nod in approval from you...nor have you said a “no” for anything...
Because we both know, you adore everything I do...
I have known you from my childhood long before I did ever know his name...
You have known my feelings for him even before he could have realised...
Though it is to you I come every day to share my thoughts...it is him, who holds my heart...
This in no way makes you loved less...coz...
You mean more to me as I have been to you...and we have never hidden it no matter what....
Moreover, it is no secret that I love you...
My Dear Diary....

_Ishu...

2010-04-28T10:55:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow...

We had a terrible fight but all I could remember is it has no reason...
It wasn’t your fault neither was mine...yet we fought unlike any other day...
None could question the love between us nor could we both doubt it...
Every time, a thought of tomorrow calms me down...
Therefore, we part, with you angry and me in tears...
“Yes...always a tomorrow” I thought...
All day I have been thinking of you...expecting you to turn up at my door...
Or to give me a call or at least a missed call to remind me that you care...you love..
However, you did not...
I kept running your angry face in my mind...confusing the reason for your anger and our fight...
I sensed you weren’t angry on me and it was something else...
Alternatively, was it my imagination...!
I felt sorry for letting out my words to counter yours...
I wish today could pass soon so that we could make peace tomorrow...
We always had a tomorrow...
By noon, I started planning things for us to do together...to shop, your favourite movie and dinner...
Feeling excited I started picking out dresses to wear, maybe your choice black would cool you out...
Dancing across the room and singing didn’t pull my spirit; I was desperate for tomorrow...
By eve, all I could do was staring at my mobile...you did not call or text me...weird...you were never like this...
Forgetting my ego and forgiving you, I called up only to end up in no answer...
Trying again and still the same...maybe I could wait until tomorrow...
Dinner never occurred to me when I realised you didn’t call back...
I remain curled up in the couch wondering about you...waiting for you...
Irritated I called up again, this time you did cut the call...not long after sending a message that you would call tomorrow and that you were angry still...
Relief flooded yet only tears did fall...I found myself crying, louder and louder...
My heart tore at missing you...loneliness crowded me...
After a long while, I stopped crying and went to my room to look at our snaps...gaining strength from them...
Once in my bed, I looked at the ceiling, my artificial stars and moon smiled at me...
Turning my head, I found the movie DVD “tomorrow never dies”
I tried to smile but failed miserably...a single day without you hurts like anything...
I kept promising never to fight with you again...
Tomorrow will be our day and I know you are waiting for the same...
A sob left me...why doesn’t tomorrow come soon...! that I could hold your hand again...
Yes tomorrow...
I felt myself drifting to sleep and it was dreamless...
The next thing I could see was you...standing before me...
You gave me flowers but I couldn’t hold nor smell them...
You cried loads for me to come back...but wasn’t able to...
You said words that I could hear but never reply...
Maybe if you did know there was never a tomorrow for us...for me...you would have made our yesterday worthy...!

_Ishu...

2010-04-28T10:22:00.000-07:00

The Change...

Boredom and power cut drove me down the streets of my place one Sunday noon...
In my worn out faded jeans and black T, I walked the streets...
This is usually a busy street and the busiest part of the city due to various malls
However, today it seems deserted, nothing but a few tea stalls...
I dragged myself along kicking the empty cool drink can...thinking what I would have done if the generator had not failed...watching movie, baking cakes...
Having enjoyed life always, getting whatever and whenever I want makes my life far from bored...until today...
Thinking of last week when my parents did come down to see me, along with my cousins...it was much more than fun...all day shopping and stuff..
I never had a “no” from my parents and I never waited for a “yes”
So life was obviously fun...until today as I said, something was different, a feel of amiss...
I searched my pocket for my mobile but then I realised it was home...
I have forgotten it...god! But I found something else...a paper material...
I pulled out and found a 1000 rupees note.. How it got there, I could not remember...
That too in my faded jeans..! Maybe my mom kept it there or me...! I was always careless with money...! Therefore, I must be my fault...
However, I continued walking kicking the can further...a smile spread across my face...
Now I got something to spend...but what could I get? Looking around all the malls were closed...even café day...argh...!!
The petit teashops would never have change for 1000...maybe walking further, I could find few decent shops...!
Making up my mind I toddled forward...my mind kept thinking about what I could get...!!”Shopaholic” I muttered to myself...!
I walked and walked finally realising Iam far away from home...
This part of the city is new to me...several small teashops and a bakery...
On looking in, I found a well-stacked stall with cakes, breads and biscuits...
Far away from my mom’s view of hygiene, i made a face and walked out...
Just then a small boy in his rags dashed past me...he bought few loaves of bread with his money and started begging the shop owner to give extra...
I was surprised...who would beg to get another of that nasty stuff...
Before I could turn, the boy ran out with the same, so he was denied the extra stuff...
I sighed and started walking...turning the street I found the boy kneeling behind a broken cart...
Curiously, I headed towards him...i realised he wasn’t alone...he gave the bread to a weak looking woman, supposing his mother...
She had a baby in her arms...never in my life have I seen a baby as much close to a skeleton...
In addition to it, the family had a tiny puppy...they look as if they have starved for months...
The woman took herself one and gave rest of the so-called bread loaves to the boy...
My mind kept telling me to move away from this group and place that I started backing away...
To my utter shock, the boy gave half of his food to the puppy and patted him...
Even more, he ate with that same hand...ahh...i wanted to run away...!
What kind of people are these..!i started walking faster and towards a familiar street...
Once away from them I took a deep breath...iam fine I convinced myself...
I started walking again...hands in my pocket...I felt something inside me...my mind says keep going but I wanted to stop and do what? Think...!!!
Why am I bothered now...? I should have been happy to be away from the rags...but iam not...
I recalled their faces, the baby..i tried not to remember the boy feeding the pup even in his fainting state...and his mom smiling at his action..
What kind of mom would allow her child to be infected and allow the least bit of their food to feed a dog....!
I was confused...unable to conclude... Suddenly it dawned on me...
Maybe only a mom who knew the pain of starving...only she who wants to feed the petit life that depended on them knowing they would die without that would allow that...
I felt a strong feeling seep through me...this is a family....!
Once in my life did I let my heart rule my mind...i walked towards them...
They looked up strangely at my approach...
I took the money from my pocket and gave it to their mother...
She looked at me confused, realising the money she smiled at me faintly and then it widened...
I smiled at them...patted the puppy and turned away...
Tears gathered in my eyes...blocking my vision...still I walked without letting them fall...
I have walked several times on this road, carrying loads of bags, which I have shopped...
Now...I walk empty-handed nothing but tears to hold...
Yet I feel like the happiest person in the world...
I never looked back at them...yet I know... my life has changed forever...!

_Ishu...

Iam not Bothered...

2010-03-11T07:25:00.000-08:00

Somewhere I couldn’t actually forget, in a crowded queue waiting for a movie ticket...
I bumped into you on my way out...our shoulders brushed and fingers touched...I guessed just a few seconds...
A few seconds that sent shocks through me...a few useless seconds of despair...
Before I could get out of awe and turn around, you were gone...
I did swoon at your touch...a mistaken touch that sent ripples through me...
However, you would never know...nor did u see me and eventually never sensed the chemistry...
Its useless to be thinking about you now...searching you in the vast crowd...
Not knowing your name or had seen your face...or having the guts to take chances...
Not knowing the meaning of our unexpected action, which had effect only on me...
A few seconds that had the ability to keep me awake all night...
You might have come with your girlfriend or your family...
Or there may be another girl in your life...
Iam not bothered...yeah...iam not...
Because...iam never gonna be in your life...even never gonna feel u again...
I know I could never hold your hand and walk down the beach..
Or wait sweet long hours till you get back from work...never...
Yet iam not bothered...
The thing I had with you..what should I call it...?a crush..?maybe...
They are everlasting and never demanding...
I don’t say you are my life and love...never my everything or world...
Nevertheless, you are something...a wonderful and unknown memory...
Oneday...i might fall in love with someone or give my hand in marriage...
That does not make me forget you...coz...you were my first crush...unknown but electrifying crush...
I did always remember the day we bumped into each other for years to come...
You not realising it and I dreaming over it...
You are something I did love to remember someday...while sipping my evening tea with an unknown smile in my lips...

_Ishu...

2010-02-03T21:58:00.000-08:00

The Image...

The cold night did have some effect on me...making me pull my jacket around and rub my hands to feel the heat...
Though the road seemed familiar, being alone in a deserted road like this terrified me....
I walked crossing my hands, cursing the taxi that broke down and my mobile that has charged out and got switched off....
I remembered the charge being full until I felt the place...even while in the taxi...!! That was strange..! yet no time to investigate or brood over it...
Cool air brushed my face, the only exposed part sending Goosebumps all over...
The surrounding was spooky with huge black trees, invisible sounds and me trembling all alone...
An owl hooted somewhere...fluttered its wings and flew into the dark sky...
The road weighing me is covered with dry leaves...rustling...and few getting smashed under my feet...
The streetlights half hidden in the overgrown branches of trees flashed distorted light as the branches brushed across them...
Looking back at the darkened road, I appreciated myself for my guts...
I concentrated on something good like birthdays, surprises...but my mind kept reminding me of old scary stories...
Oh..!why now..!!to distract myself I looked up the sky, the moon might cool me...but alas..!!no moon...
It was black, pitch black to be precise...I thought not to look at the trees but I did...!!
Standing big and dark and shaking...they sure did draw my attention..
I could have admired them in daylight but now things are different..
I wished I could fly or click my finger and disappear! Just vanish with the wind than to stand here...
I kept on promising myself never again to walk alone here, to plug my mobile to charge and never ever to be late...
Suddenly there was movement on the other side of the road ,a bush moved lightly...
Something yellowish peeped from them...two yellowish things...eyes...!!!
I froze, I imagined someone or something ready to hunt, kill...eat maybe..!!!
But came a sound...”meow”...gosh a cat...!!!!
A black cat peeped from the bushes and suddenly from there it crossed the road...superstitious or hilarious...!
I watched as the cat lazily crossed the road and turning to watch me before disappearing again...!!
Should I cross or wait for someone to walk pass me and then move on...?!
Noway...i would stay all night..!hmmmm... I walked again...looking at the darkness...
I could see shapes...my imagination again..i tried to shape my fearing imagination..
First a cat with few circles, then a flower with a few more circles...I smiled to myself..
Again a few circles but this time it wasn’t my imagination coz the circles were big..!!!and kept on getting bigger...!!!
The circles now appeared white...the image grew big as if someone was approaching and it was...
I saw an enlarged image, was it a man or a woman...or a ghost...!!!?
The figure was approaching me slowly...with something like a stick in its hands..
Maybe a rod..!!!
I got terrified, wanted to run but found my legs rooted...
I wanted to scream for help but found myself tongue tied...
I looked around for help, but I was all alone, even the kitty has run away...!!!
By the time the image has gotten closer, close enough that I could see the long nails in its hand holding the rod...!!!
I was not sure of the image coz it had a hood exposing only the mouth...the image moved casually as if sensing my non-mobility...
Suddenly it opened its mouth and I could see two sharp teeth...teeth that were ready to bite...drink...taste..
I couldn’t hold longer , I took a long breadth and started to run...realizing my sudden flight, the image took a long leap and landed in front of me...
A loud scream tore from the bottom of my throat...
I opened my eyes and found myself in the backseat of the taxi...
So it was just a dream...whew..!!!i relaxed and even smiled...the driver as if reading my thoughts smiled at me from the rear view mirror..
I saw the time...it was 12.30...i looked out again at the darkness relieved that nothing did happen...
Suddenly the car stopped...the driver tried starting it several times but was unsuccessful...
He looked at me apologetically... hmmm..i knew I had to walk now...I shook my head at him, paid and got outta the car...
Once outside, I realized a familiarity..!!! Have I been here...? Only in your dreams answered my mind...fear seized me...!
I grabbed my bag, opened it and searched for something....
Terror struck when I found my mobile switched off...!

_Ishu...

2009-04-02T09:02:00.000-07:00

The candle light...

Not a word told, not even a breath left...the only sound to be heard is the raindrop descending outside...
How long I stood here Iam not sure...what made me stand here, I will never want to remember...
In the darkness that crowded the room, I stood as if a shadow made at my windows...
Untouched by thoughts and dreams and with no touch of imagination...
I stand as me...just me...my own self...
The rain kept on pouring...first loving and then hurting...
I turned towards my room now engulfed in a sea of darkness and light...
Because a candle had been lit in the middle of the room....
When did it darken...? Who lit the candle...? I couldn’t remember....
The half-melted candle showed it must have been hours...
Hours that vanished, hours of no happenings, hours of loneliness and confusion...
I have been standing here unaware of the darkened room, lighted candle, paining legs and spilling tears...!
In the mild light, my eyes searched my room...for something...
I found my books scattered at the far corner untouched...my bed in the other corner with no traces of sleep...
I was still searching for something; I do not know what...
My long lost relationships...? My childhood...? My strengths...? My happiness or I do not know what...!
Nevertheless, I was searching....
The candle fluttered due to wind and caught my attention...
The wind had blown into the room causing the candle light to dance to its rhythm...
I watched with awe as the candle that lightened my room, which cleared my vision, which could withhold any pain...now struggling for its life, survival...
It regained itself after a few minutes and started to brighten again...
No fear of what the next wind would do to it...no traces of tiredness of its past struggle for existence...
It is living for the second...living its life...!
A life it could never get back after today...
I relaxed, remembered doing something...searching...
I turned again...wanting to search...but I found them in a sec...
My playful childhood... my relationships smiling at me from behind glass frames...my strength of learning from small things in life and my happiness of being myself...
Maybe I did never lose them...to be searched for...
They were deep inside me, searching for a way to expose them to me...to show that iam not left lonely...
I looked at the candle, now burning steadily...confidently...stunningly...
It is nearing its end...not knowing that it didn’t just lighten the room but brought to light the life someone was desperately in search of....

_Ishu...

2009-03-07T07:16:00.000-08:00

The stolen footprints...

A lonely evening by the seashore...

Walking barefoot...I could feel the winds around, blowing my hair and caressing my face....

Sending waves of unknown and unfelt emotions throughout me...

And the sea far beyond...whispering silent words of recognition...

I walked along the shore...not knowing the destination and with no remembrances of the past...

I closed my eyes and enjoyed every step I took...taking in the moist air and pressing deep into the wet sand...

Water touched my feet, waking me from my dreams...from the thoughts that I could hardly remember...

I looked across...the place seemed different from here...birds flying in groups to their nest...

The sun fading and falling in love with the sea again...the sky turning grave at the thought of losing the sun again...

However, what would they see from there...? A distorted image of a lonely envious girl...!

Suddenly I stopped walking and looked back...I found my footprints, alone and longing...

My heart lightened...maybe I too had someone with me...something to look back and feel happy about...

Relieved...I started walking again...a few more steps and I looked back again...

But...! They were gone...my footprints...! Not even a trace of survival...!

Did they vanish..!? Have they flown away...! I walked again, turned and stood rooted to see what did really happen...

Then did I see it...them...! The waves with such benevolence dragging my footprints with them...!

But why...? Where do they take them...? Moreover, why mine...?

Maybe... they didn’t want their shores touched by a stranger...Or they did always steal things left to their nearness...!

On the other hand...maybe they pitied me...maybe they were moved by the way I look at them...thereby...

Matching mine with a lonely footprint elsewhere...!

_Ishu...

The fallen love...

2009-02-28T11:49:00.000-08:00

There had been times when I did look at you from a distance…struck by the passion that flows in you…
Willing and waiting to join you...to get swept by you…
Once I have fallen for you, I lose myself completely...
Pulled by your vigorous nature and moved by your gentle swift...
Taking every single step with you and never letting my stare out of your blue...moving wherever you want me to...
Wandering and wondering how beautiful life is with you...
You hold me, you crush me...and drag me all along the way...
But all I could think is “iam with you and iam for you...”
You take me through highs and lows in my life...
Never letting go of my hand...like if they were part of you...
Is it my love for you or my duty towards you...??
Is it that I have no choice or I never wanted any...??
I’ll never know...and never wanna know, as long as Iam with you...
But time has always been cruel...it sways me constantly without hope...
At times drowning me into you, where I stagnate completely...
Or shattering me to a corner where I did die at your emptiness...
Though I die at missing you...though I get dragged away...
I’ll always know that I’ll be born again every time to join you...to taste your love...
Iam waiting for next spring to see the world and the autumn that follows to fall into your hands......
-by a fallen and reborn leaf...

_Ishu...

Some thoughts for Someone...

2009-02-12T09:51:00.000-08:00

Some…
Sometimes I would hate myself for being so much in love with you…
Some things I would hate for reminding me so much of you…
Some people I would hate for carrying your name…
But life is so cruel…that I had to face all these everyday…
And…keep on loving you soooooooo much….

_Ishu…

The Two Choices...

2009-02-09T05:31:00.000-08:00

Im really getting bored of posting just poems here...so here's a change....let me tell you about "The two choices" in my life....

I always had two choices in my life....this or that,here or there,take or leave...!!it all started long back when i was happily sleeping in my mom's tummy...it happened a few days after i realised iam alive or existed.... I was inside something,floating...i could hear voices...!but see none...so i waited.Then oneday i heard a voice refering to me..."child,wake up..." I was so confused but glad that someone could talk to me...the voice said,"Iam God...Im the one who created you,destined your parents and family...." all i could say was,"Oh..." again the voice said,"Iam here to give you two choices...HEAVEN or EARTH??....the one you choose between the two will be your fate...What would you want my child...??"
I was so small,just a few days back i knew i existed...i dont know wts heaven and wts earth...! i asked,"Wts both??" God said,"Child...the place your now,is heaven....your inside your mother,she loves you and will take care of everything for you...and the outside is earth,where you do things on your own..." so...thats the difference i thought...i liked the place i was in...so i said,"Dear god..." wait wait....my parents say im a very stubborn child,hence i must have said,"Hey god,thx for the choices...il take HEAVEN...i love it here..." then god left saying, "So be it my child,you will be in heaven..."
So there i was,enjoying myself daily....sleeping and sleeping...rolling and rolling...i started hearing voices clearly...people around talking to my mom,telling to be safe....no idea for what...!!then i used to enjoy the songs my mom used to sing for me...complaints abt my dad...the name she's gonna call me...I also used to hear a voice of a small child. He everytime calls my mom as his mom!! and used to talk about something called"school" everyday....!asking when i will come out...!y the hell does he want me out..!Thus went days and months...but oneday something happened...my mom was'nt feeling well i suppose,she was crying and people around saying,"its abt time..." abt time for what..!!Y doesnt anyone explain me anything...suddenly i couldnt breathe...i stopped floating,i could feel my mom's pain....wt are they doing to her...!!?i was so scared and found myself moving...then everything went black...!boooch...!
When i opened my eyes again,i was somewhere else...!somewhere bright and largeeee!!terrified was I...!they have done something to my mom and separated me. from her..i was abt to cry,bt then..i heard her voice...my mummy's voice...!someone was carrying me,to a lady in a bed...i dint know what to do...i just kept staring,she was beautiful...she took me from that person and smiled at me...i dont know whether to smile back or wt..!"just keep staring",i told myself...then she said i was cute..." Am I...!",i thought...so cute means something good and...Heyyyy wait....i know this voice...this is my mummmmmy...!iiiiii!so this is my mom...! But wt am i doing outside her??!
Then it struck me....!its all god!!this is supposed to be EARTH...!Ohhh!why did he do this to me...!Iwas so angry...he has betrayed me...!i was bursting out in anger,sry...inside in anger.But then something happened and i liked it...my mom kissed me...she held my fingers and was looking into my eyes...i was staring into hers. Suddenly something like water came from her eyes...still smiling at me,she kissed me again saying something nice..."Hmmmm i love it outside",i thought...maybe i could have never got these if i had been hiding inside forever...!
People started coming to see me...mom was introducing me to everyone..all said,"ahhh"..."ohh"..."cute child"..."just like her mother" and etc..etc...then i saw my dad,his voice was different not so sweet like my mom...he was very happy to see me..called me sweet names..!wt should i do..!? "keep staring" i told myself...so did i. Time went by...then came a small boy,sort of a bag in his shoulders...he came running to my mom and asked abt me...Sooo ur that "school" story kid calling my mother as his...!!my mom introduced me to him as his "sister" me...!!his sis.!oh...and he as my "brother". The kid glanced at me and was smiling...asked when i could play with him and all stuff!! he again started his "school" thing...i kept staring at him as he jumped about saying things...."i sort of like him...",i thought...he was cute and resembled my mom in some way and my dad in the other...!and was always happy to see me...!thats wt i liked abt him...He keeps on talking to my mom abt this and that and my mom seems to enjoy everything....so do i...!
Hrs later i came to understand everthing..!this is my FAMILY....my dad, my mom,my brother and now me...!my brother had been like me before,enjoying inside and then god asusual had tricked him outside with two choices...!or is it only me with Two choices....!!?then i found many small one's like me...we all looked small but we differed..!They did something called "yelling"...terribly...! I was the only one not doing that stuff but i was the only one to be happy abt that..!my parents were worried that i dint "yell"...! "Oh come on...should'nt you be happy abt that...!!",thought I...
Then came God 'again' and my Second TWO CHOICES in life....wait to hear...

Alone...

2009-01-29T23:25:00.000-08:00

Being alone....

Being alone is always a tremor…a fear…a weakness for some….
But for me, it had always been a part of life...and at times life itself...…
Alone in the darkness… left on my own search of light…
Alone in passion…. falling and failing in love…
Alone in dreams…chasing empty clouds…
I wonder what I have done to myself....

Time has swept me around…driving me to my way home….
Which I never willed nor wanted…or never thought of…
The darkness around hasn’t set and dawn wasn’t met…
But here I go determined to fight my way through anything and everything…
To fill the emptiness in my heart…or at least to hide it…
I wonder what I have done to myself....

Sitting inside the bus...beside a vacant seat...
Watching the farms and lands pass by calmly…
Silent rustling of trees in the middle of the night…
Sky turning shades of black and blue…a sight rare to view…
But something was amiss...confused…improper…
I wonder what I have done to myself....

I have no idea what happened in the past years…
Whether I would have someone back home to welcome me with a warm hug…
Something nice said about missing me all this time…
Someone to feed my hungry stomach and hear my stories…
Or at least someone to fill the emptiness in my heart…
I wonder what I have done to myself....

What I have left behind is a mystery…unbearable…unsolved…
Am I here to replay the quest and get back my past…
Or just to witness the happenings as I always do…
I have no idea of who would be there to receive me…!!
But the fear of staring at a deserted road left alone…terrified me…
I wonder what I have done to myself....

Being alone did teach me millions…
In which thousands were moments of pain…
A few hundreds were moments of confusion…
And a few shillings were moments of fear…
But happiness…??
I wonder what I have done to myself....

This travel would be the fastest moment in my life…
Because every other had been a still image…expressing a single view …
I never opted for a caring heart…or a caressing word…
Never a close company…close enough to steal my heart…
Close enough to leave me be in this world…as now…alone…
I wonder what I have done to myself....

If money could solve my problems…I wouldn’t be here…
If love could mend my heart...I wouldn’t be sitting alone…
If my hunt to the solution had been reached…I wouldn’t search for my destination…
If my wounds have been healed…I wouldn’t run for a hide out…
If I did have a shoulder to rest…I wouldn’t let tears wet my cheeks…
I wonder what I have done to myself....

A sudden halt brought me back to my senses…
The bus had stopped and was ready to push me out into the world of ‘loneliness’…
As expected I stood back to view the wet and deserted road leading home…
I had to walk in spite of the muddy waters and sunken roads…
In spite of darkness and gloomy atmosphere into which I should set into…
I wonder what I have done to myself....

I started along the road with a light luggage but a heavy heart….
I know that I have no reason to be like this…
No reason to return to a place which had deserted me years back…
No reason to face the people who turned me out…
But I couldn’t resist…
I wonder what I have done to myself....

Looking around I wanted see a few familiar sights and buildings…
My mind was rushing up to fill me with a few related thoughts…
My eyes wandering to see a few missing pieces of my past…
But everything I see seems so new…
Dragging me to wonder whether I had been here before…!!
I wonder what I have done to myself....

With a few more cuts and turns I would get to my house…
Till that I wanted myself to be occupied…distracted perhaps…
I started to hum a known verse, in the middle of which I struck up…
My thoughts rushing years back…I couldn’t sing either….
What has happened to me…!?Could loneliness drive a person to madness…?
I wonder what I have done to myself....

Forgetting the curse and continuing the verse, I tried to gather the wonderful moments in my life…
Wonderful people who made them…wonderful things that bordered those moments…
The sudden disappearance of light from my life…making me search for illusions in dark…
And the disastrous end it has got me into…
Tears flushed…words chocked…vision blurred…
I wonder what I have done to myself.....

I started to walk fast…before my first tear drop could sneak out…
But then…someone touched me…
The softest and wettest touch…the one I had felt before…the one I always wanted…
It was a rain drop that had flown down to touch my cheeks…
Before I could look up it started heavily and I started to run towards my last destination…
I wonder what I have done to myself....

Opening the door, I found the house, my house to be empty…and I wet…
I looked around…and took the stairs towards my room…
My room…the only thing I ever remembered and ever loved…
I walked in…though it was accustomed to dust and cobweb…I know it was welcoming…
I recollected memories of my childhood…my toys…my petty scribbling…now just illusions….
I wonder what I have done to myself.....

By the time, rain had stopped and everything seemed immersed in silence…
I kept tracing my room…which had no idea about me other than my childhood…
Not even the pain…hurt…tears…loneliness of its childhood lodger….
I moved towards the balcony and stood up facing my room…
Allowing the cool breeze to caress me from behind and send me into my memories…
I wonder what I have done to myself....

Suddenly something struck me…maybe I remembered something…
Yes…!!My first kiss had been here…from a beautiful woman…maybe my mother…
A huge man carrying me in his arms and cradling me…maybe my dad…
A kid sitting beside my bed and reading stories to me… my brother….
Tears stunk in my eyes…maybe I had never been alone…maybe I had never been loved this much by anyone else….
I wonder what I have done to myself...!!

I will never know what the next day would hold…and what the past had held…
The happiest thing is that I had been loved tremendously by my family…huge enough to cherish…
Even though I stand alone now…those memories are large enough to treasure…
I closed my eyes...and before the first tear could drop down, rain drops nourished my face…
Maybe iam still not standing alone…I’ve someone whose touch I’ve always longed for…
And now I know what to do with myself…

_Ishu…

can u believe that a dream could do anything...!

2008-09-06T06:22:00.000-07:00

A dream or nightmare…

You know….what I dream of, is something far fetched….
Something that can never be caught or sort…
Like a rain drop disappearing in the ocean….
Like the long lost traces of wind in the unknown sky….
Just remember…I keep trusting you….
Knowing it’s just a dream…

I know nothing about you…nothing of what you are and how you are…
Yet you keep haunting me every night….in my sleep…in my thoughts…
I keep clinging to you…the words you speak…the promises you make…
Like trust thrust on a comet of good wish…
Just remember…I keep trusting you….
Knowing it’s just a dream…

Life is short…but my dream seems so long…so alive…
Dream is something I could never resist…rather its me that it could never resist…
It is something I love…and in turn is loved by…
Its many things that I don’t get in life…but found on its own…
Just remember…I keep trusting you….
Knowing it’s just a dream…

Iam just a girl of teens…filled with wide hopes of life….
With no fear of the future and no care for the present…
Is it because of you…that I lost my hopes…?
Are you the reason Iam losing my life…?
Just remember…I keep trusting you….
Knowing it’s just a dream…

I fear you…the way you hold control of me…
The way you make me fall for you…a mere dream…
Beyond the truth of reality and illusion…
Beyond the concept of seeing and touching…
Just remember…I keep trusting you….
Knowing it’s just a dream…

What am I going to do with you…?
If a sleepless night would cure me…I would blink my eyes to death…
If a thoughtless mind could wash you away…I would take the risk…
But…you are more than that...more than what I could forbid…
Just remember…I keep trusting you….
Knowing it’s just a dream…

Am I the only one to feel you…in the billions who sleep all night…?
Am I the only one to get confused about you…??
Whether a nightmare or a dream…an angel or demon…??!
You are the one I could always cherish….but never hold…!
Just remember…I keep trusting you….
Knowing it’s just a dream…

_Ishu

This did really happen...

2008-09-06T06:01:00.000-07:00

My first look...

Returning from a day's long work...my friend and I did find it irritating to wait at the cross over.....
I thought a great time is getting wasted...
For its making us all devasted...
Coz...the things around did not interest me...
The things within did not impress me...
For a reason...but...for no reason...
I let my eyes wander over my temporary neighbours...
A child after school with its dad...a pair with face so glad....a vendor with a heavy load looking so sad....
For a reason...but...for no reason...
And then...did I see him...
Looking at me with eyes so intense...and coming towards me...
Maybe...to speak with me... Or atleast to say an hello....
For a reason...but...for no reason....
Everyone did see him, coz he was the main attraction...
But...did everyone feel him...as i do...?
Even if they did...can he differentiate my feelings from them....?
Maybe am not so transparent...
For a reason...but...for no reason....

He was nearing me...looking at my eyes, as i stared at his...
But he did not attempt to speak...
He walked past me...without turning around....
It did not hurt me...but it did...
For a reason...but...for no reason...

I know he would never return...
And I would never see him again...
But the impression he made in me...is everlasting...
For reason....but...for no reason....

I could not call this love at first sight...
I could not call this a mere look....which had such an effect on me...!
It was more than a look or love...
For a reason...but...for no reason...

I like to know if I did impress him...like he did do to me....
I like to know if he did wish to see me again...as I wish to do unto him.....
For a reason ....but...for no reason...

My friend would laugh if I did tell her this....
She did not feel what I felt…and would never...
Because, many people don't fall in love with a train....as i did...
For a reason...but...for no reason....

_Ishu...

max...maxy...

2008-09-06T05:44:00.000-07:00

Maaaaxy....

Now this is about a guy with no fear.Nothing can frighten him….no one can threaten him….they fear to go his side…!!Wait…don’t imagine any war hero or cinematic heroes…! This is about max @ maxy….my Labrador pup…exactly nothing can frighten him except a mobile ring tone:-)…he is very allergic to mobiles…!!He is 4yrs old now… we bought him at a place near my native…he was born with six others (sisters) and is the last sibling of his family…he was just a month old when he came along with his sis to us, but as pooja had a great conflict with lucky (Max’s sis), we had to give her away to one of my dad’s friends…. I always miss lucky coz she was very intelligent….but it is max who snatches the award when it comes to being “the sweetest”….I could say he is the happiest member of our family…!always and ever happy with his life,praise him...he is happy,scold him...he is happy..!!and he looks sooo cute and smart...He loves Poo like anything…if someone could see max,they would say he is rough.but a close examination could prove it wrong....!one great comic thing about max is that he doen't know to wag his tail...!!truely comic na...wait to know more...

Its poo again...

2008-09-03T10:54:00.000-07:00

Sweet poo...

Poo loves groundnut…! And a thanks to groundnuts coz that’s how she gained knowledge…it all happens like this…since it is that pups need to be taught within the first six months and only those things will remain in their head all through their life, I was assigned the job to teach poo......!as my brother was at college, I was given the greatest responsibility of creating a dutiful citizen:-)...So every evening after my school gets over, I used to take her to my backyard where it is free of distractions and start my lessons. We usually don’t use belt for poo, so she used to dodge me and run away inside….after the cat and rat story, I finally got fed up and tied her up…it was terrible in the beginning since she was only looking at the groundnut in my hand…!!As my mom very strictly warned me not to beat her, I had the worst time with the naughtiest kid..!! After at least a month she learned up to shake hand, sit down, lie down, get the ball and catch the ball…!!Great work na..!the final day arrived when we are to show my parents what she has learnt..! It was the blast…you know what happened, when she was told to shake hand, the mud just sat still looking at my hand!!!!… (For her groundnut)…and she didn’t perform until she got her groundnut…!!What a sweetheart na…! :-)

One of my favourites....dedicated to someone....

2008-09-03T10:50:00.000-07:00

The Skipped beat…

Love comes once in life….and stays for a lifetime….
The love in you….the love in me….or at least that was in us…
The love that has no right to be forgotten or set aside…
The love that had been an unbreakable vow…
But now…
Things are not the same….since we parted…

Once when the bond between us was strong enough…
I promised never to let go of your hands that held me…
Never to stay away from your looks that melted me…
Not to disturb your thoughts that ruled me…
But now…
Things are not the same…since we parted…

We had no idea about what happened between us…
We never sensed what made us go for each other…
We never sorted the puzzle of our love…
Because we always believed and trusted each other…
But now…
Things are not the same…since we parted…

The ecstasy of words that had flown between us…
The ones I have always believed…
The ones that made my heart skip a beat…
The ones in which I have felt you once and immense…
But now…
Things are not the same…since we parted…

The past memories may fill us with joy…
The lost promises may shrink us in tears…
None of us do will to neither recapture our lost possession nor take up a new venture…
Because none of us love to risk again in the name of ‘love’…
But now…
Things are not the same…since we parted…

Iam not willing to have you back…for myself…
Nor am I willing to lend you to anyone else…
I really don’t know what I want or wish…
I had to fear to want…from the day you left me…
But now...
Things are not the same…since we parted…

Have you ever thought of the last words we spoke..??
The last touch we hold at the squeeze of our hands at parting…??
The last painful glance at each other when our roads ended..??
The first drop of tear while turning away…???
But now…
Things are not the same…since we parted…

I still don’t understand why it happened between us…?!
I still don’t know how you did let it happen..?!
I still can’t believe that I did let you go…!!
I still could not figure the mystery behind the pain…
But now…
Things are not the same…since we parted…

Months have passed and years will pass…
Not willing to capture the beat that was skipped nor hold the hand that was missed…
I know you do wish the same and want the same…
Because even though things are not the same since we parted…
I still own your heart and you mine…till the last beat of it…

- ISHU

this is specially for my mom...

2008-08-31T03:05:00.000-07:00

if it hadn't been you...

If it hadn't been you....
to lead me to take my first day at school....
If it hadn't been you....
to wish me first on all my birthday's...
If it hadn't been you....
to smile at me from the audience during my first speech...
If it hadn't been you....
to hug me close to cease my tears at my first failure...
If it hadn't been you....
to kiss me happily at the joy of my first success...
I wouldn't have been myself....
My sweet mom.....

_Ishu...

Check out my poem....

2008-08-31T00:31:00.000-07:00

In search of you...

Running through the lushly grown jungle trees...
Exploring every bush and bark on my way....
Jumping across small streams and pools...
And casting no eye to the nature around...
Here i come...in search of you...

You were mine all these years...
You were to be mine all the years to come...
But you did leave me just like that...
Coz of a person whom you have not known before...
But...here i come...in search of you....

No idea how you are...
No idea where you are...
No idea whom you are with...
No idea what you are up to...
But...here i come...in search of you...

Getting you back is not my aim...
Leaving you behind is not my goal...
Seeing you suffer is not what i wish...
Punishing you for your work is all i seek...
But...here i come...in search of you...

Would you love to return with me...?
Would you love to stay and suffer...?
Would you love to forget me...?
Would you love to make your way...?
But...here i come...in search of you...

The love in you might have closed your eyes...
The love in you might have taken you from me...
The love in you might have led you to him...
The love in you might make you stay there forever...
But...here i come...in search of you....
my little heart......

_Ishu...

Its was fun regretting life...!!

2008-08-30T06:09:00.000-07:00

U must have been confused by the title....!but it was true...let me explain,it all happened a week ago at my hostel...since i was loaded with work and nothing turned out well for a week,i started saying "life is so boring,i hate life"....it turned out worst when i started saying that 10 to 15 times a day....My friends got irritated with this and two of them,kt and sishaa were set up to check up with me(to make sure i don't say that again)....and to stop me in the middle of it if i start up....!And you know what happened, this started to spread to all my friends and all started regretting life in my fashion...and my ckeck mates got this too!!so it turned up fun instead of regret....

history of poo,the great....

2008-08-25T06:02:00.000-07:00

This girl i am gonna talk about is the most intelligent and cutest creature i have ever known...she is black,bubbly...wait to be exact,she is fat(hope my mom doesn't see this),sensitive with a small tail...!wonder what iam talking about??!ya....its my pup rather dog(nor this) pooja....she is 6yrs now.We bought her at a pet clinic at chennai.Being a dog freak i insisted on buying a dog for my birthday...though my parents didn't agree at the beginning i dragged them to the clinic to checkout the pups...to my fate there weren't that much puppies except a dalmation,a lab and a pom....they were in a cage.Since my dad has no good impression about a pom,we had to select between the other two.Of the two,the lab caught my greatest attention,it was black,bubbly(not fat that time) with mischievious eyes....the lab with its assistant(the dalmation pup)was having a great time wrestling with the pom...2:1 ratio...Even though the dalmation backed up on seeing us,this little devil seems to be very dutiful and continued punching the pom.I loved her at first glance,the main thing that drew me was her colour(i love black)...another drawback,my dad hates black....i had to perform a trick,i kept my face saddest to the core and looked at my dad...ya!some improvement...the lab was out of the cage for investigation.So now its up to the pup....and the pup was more trickier than me...!!it just went straight to my dad and pissed in his shoes..!!gosh..!spoiled the plan...but it didn't...!!my dad considered it sentimental,and we bought the devil....!!she was washed clean and handed over to me...i took her to the cage to bid bye to her friends....!they were both sry and relieved at missing this cuty..and thats how this cute black devil named pooja ended up with us...more of her pranks will be continued...