A piece from my diary...


I feel excited to write after a long time.:) Missed my blog and missed writing...happy to give a better job to my fingers than just coding..okayyy...jokes apart..:P
hi everyone...!!!
Life is a mystery, what you do in that is a history says someone great... I would never deny it. Coz things have changed a lot since I joined job...ehh...both in a good way and bad way. Maybe iam not creating a history but sure am I revealing all mysteries :)
The good thing is I learned to sit in a place and code for a long time and next to get up early and most of all to give full attendance...:) The bad thing is the same stuff mentioned.. :D But the best thing is Iam learning to cope up with both..! Initially I have to admit I hated being there, learning and taking test... but then I understood it is for a reason and that reason is for my good. Now for sure I love my job no matter what...But when you get into a job whether TCS or any other corporate just remember, “You are not here to waste time” and more than that threatening statement I would like to add, “Love what you do”. :) Our office is like a different world, once you get into it you will never know what happens outside...!! Whether its sunny or rainy..! Moreover, without internet at hostel I totally feel disconnected from the world. I even forgot to wish few of my friends on their birthdays..:(, which I would never forget doing...! Okay let us move on...!
About my training, first few days we had orientations dealing with what is what. Then we are put up in zones where you sit with your system and implement what you learnt (this is what they say :) ) The Tech sessions go on for a whole day where we sit at our cubicles and learn to code. We tend to discuss and chitchat with our associates:). We were divided into groups and asked to complete exercises and this goes on for weeks. In addition, the LS (Life Skill) sessions are about developing your language and presentation skills. We are asked to talk, express and improve. These sessions are quite interesting coz if you are good at expressing fluently this is all fun. However, for people who have trouble with that I would say, “please try” and its never a bad thing to try..! Here too we are made into groups and they expect us to interact :) That’s with training, sounds simple right..? :) Not a thought, it’s never simple.
From my point of view, I consider training as a place where u really learn. This learning is not just your coding and language skills but also different people. You tend to meet many people and get to know them. A few you may befriend and others whom you to tend to pass with a smile. I got to know many friends (call them as associates says my facilitator :) ) from a different college and place. Even few of my roommates are from another college and iam quite close to them. Therefore, it is a place where you recognise, like and share. I even learnt about few of my associates love stories, very interesting. :) We learn the basics but mostly we are on our own to do self-study. I find many among us making good use of this time and a few struggling very hard to cope up. That is a very good thing coz you don’t lose anything by trying. Whatever, I could say training is how you look at it, consider it a pup it’s very friendly and faithful to you but when you look at it as a big bad wolf sure it will bounce at you and tear you up.. :)
Coming to my life, the only things I do as a routine is go to office come back eat and sleep. (And obviously roaming and chatting with friends :)) Its not that I don’t have time to write or shoot pictures...that would be wrong, seriously wrong!!! I have time but no mind set! Yeah...that is the truth but I think I need to balance and make way for my stuff. Anyways, Iam hoping to write again and very soon :) Bye..

You...

I have always wondered what makes him so superior to you when it is you, who understands me the most...
I remember the times when I did want to cry, to drown myself in tears...you were always there to hold me...
Listening to every word I said...valuing every tear of mine as your own...
The moments when I wanted to break everything in the room, you were there...yet again...Telling me its ok...and that things will pass...
Reminding me the value of things, I would lose due to my anger....
All the while, I melt in love and dream about, would be of him but every time I get hurt coz of it, it is to you I turn...
You shouldn’t be there for me...but you are...To heal my heart...as my friend, comforter...
Making me realise my silly childhood fantasies of love...making the whole matured me...
Every night when I miss him...his nearness and voice...
It was you who accompanied me...you lay with me for hours letting me pour my depressions...
I slept many days in your arms knowing you never slept any of those nights...you could say iam selfish...but you don’t...
I keep asking myself...do I deserve you...?
I have shared everything with you...from morning walks to my last dreams...
Every tiny detail that I have not shared with my mom or gotten advice from dad...
All my likes and dislikes...my favourites and specials...my fears and strengths...
I never have expected a nod in approval from you...nor have you said a “no” for anything...
Because we both know, you adore everything I do...
I have known you from my childhood long before I did ever know his name...
You have known my feelings for him even before he could have realised...
Though it is to you I come every day to share my thoughts...it is him, who holds my heart...
This in no way makes you loved less...coz...
You mean more to me as I have been to you...and we have never hidden it no matter what....
Moreover, it is no secret that I love you...
My Dear Diary....

_Ishu...

Tomorrow...

We had a terrible fight but all I could remember is it has no reason...
It wasn’t your fault neither was mine...yet we fought unlike any other day...
None could question the love between us nor could we both doubt it...
Every time, a thought of tomorrow calms me down...
Therefore, we part, with you angry and me in tears...
“Yes...always a tomorrow” I thought...
All day I have been thinking of you...expecting you to turn up at my door...
Or to give me a call or at least a missed call to remind me that you care...you love..
However, you did not...
I kept running your angry face in my mind...confusing the reason for your anger and our fight...
I sensed you weren’t angry on me and it was something else...
Alternatively, was it my imagination...!
I felt sorry for letting out my words to counter yours...
I wish today could pass soon so that we could make peace tomorrow...
We always had a tomorrow...
By noon, I started planning things for us to do together...to shop, your favourite movie and dinner...
Feeling excited I started picking out dresses to wear, maybe your choice black would cool you out...
Dancing across the room and singing didn’t pull my spirit; I was desperate for tomorrow...
By eve, all I could do was staring at my mobile...you did not call or text me...weird...you were never like this...
Forgetting my ego and forgiving you, I called up only to end up in no answer...
Trying again and still the same...maybe I could wait until tomorrow...
Dinner never occurred to me when I realised you didn’t call back...
I remain curled up in the couch wondering about you...waiting for you...
Irritated I called up again, this time you did cut the call...not long after sending a message that you would call tomorrow and that you were angry still...
Relief flooded yet only tears did fall...I found myself crying, louder and louder...
My heart tore at missing you...loneliness crowded me...
After a long while, I stopped crying and went to my room to look at our snaps...gaining strength from them...
Once in my bed, I looked at the ceiling, my artificial stars and moon smiled at me...
Turning my head, I found the movie DVD “tomorrow never dies”
I tried to smile but failed miserably...a single day without you hurts like anything...
I kept promising never to fight with you again...
Tomorrow will be our day and I know you are waiting for the same...
A sob left me...why doesn’t tomorrow come soon...! that I could hold your hand again...
Yes tomorrow...
I felt myself drifting to sleep and it was dreamless...
The next thing I could see was you...standing before me...
You gave me flowers but I couldn’t hold nor smell them...
You cried loads for me to come back...but wasn’t able to...
You said words that I could hear but never reply...
Maybe if you did know there was never a tomorrow for us...for me...you would have made our yesterday worthy...!

_Ishu...

The Change...

Boredom and power cut drove me down the streets of my place one Sunday noon...
In my worn out faded jeans and black T, I walked the streets...
This is usually a busy street and the busiest part of the city due to various malls
However, today it seems deserted, nothing but a few tea stalls...
I dragged myself along kicking the empty cool drink can...thinking what I would have done if the generator had not failed...watching movie, baking cakes...
Having enjoyed life always, getting whatever and whenever I want makes my life far from bored...until today...
Thinking of last week when my parents did come down to see me, along with my cousins...it was much more than fun...all day shopping and stuff..
I never had a “no” from my parents and I never waited for a “yes”
So life was obviously fun...until today as I said, something was different, a feel of amiss...
I searched my pocket for my mobile but then I realised it was home...
I have forgotten it...god! But I found something else...a paper material...
I pulled out and found a 1000 rupees note.. How it got there, I could not remember...
That too in my faded jeans..! Maybe my mom kept it there or me...! I was always careless with money...! Therefore, I must be my fault...
However, I continued walking kicking the can further...a smile spread across my face...
Now I got something to spend...but what could I get? Looking around all the malls were closed...even café day...argh...!!
The petit teashops would never have change for 1000...maybe walking further, I could find few decent shops...!
Making up my mind I toddled forward...my mind kept thinking about what I could get...!!”Shopaholic” I muttered to myself...!
I walked and walked finally realising Iam far away from home...
This part of the city is new to me...several small teashops and a bakery...
On looking in, I found a well-stacked stall with cakes, breads and biscuits...
Far away from my mom’s view of hygiene, i made a face and walked out...
Just then a small boy in his rags dashed past me...he bought few loaves of bread with his money and started begging the shop owner to give extra...
I was surprised...who would beg to get another of that nasty stuff...
Before I could turn, the boy ran out with the same, so he was denied the extra stuff...
I sighed and started walking...turning the street I found the boy kneeling behind a broken cart...
Curiously, I headed towards him...i realised he wasn’t alone...he gave the bread to a weak looking woman, supposing his mother...
She had a baby in her arms...never in my life have I seen a baby as much close to a skeleton...
In addition to it, the family had a tiny puppy...they look as if they have starved for months...
The woman took herself one and gave rest of the so-called bread loaves to the boy...
My mind kept telling me to move away from this group and place that I started backing away...
To my utter shock, the boy gave half of his food to the puppy and patted him...
Even more, he ate with that same hand...ahh...i wanted to run away...!
What kind of people are these..!i started walking faster and towards a familiar street...
Once away from them I took a deep breath...iam fine I convinced myself...
I started walking again...hands in my pocket...I felt something inside me...my mind says keep going but I wanted to stop and do what? Think...!!!
Why am I bothered now...? I should have been happy to be away from the rags...but iam not...
I recalled their faces, the baby..i tried not to remember the boy feeding the pup even in his fainting state...and his mom smiling at his action..
What kind of mom would allow her child to be infected and allow the least bit of their food to feed a dog....!
I was confused...unable to conclude... Suddenly it dawned on me...
Maybe only a mom who knew the pain of starving...only she who wants to feed the petit life that depended on them knowing they would die without that would allow that...
I felt a strong feeling seep through me...this is a family....!
Once in my life did I let my heart rule my mind...i walked towards them...
They looked up strangely at my approach...
I took the money from my pocket and gave it to their mother...
She looked at me confused, realising the money she smiled at me faintly and then it widened...
I smiled at them...patted the puppy and turned away...
Tears gathered in my eyes...blocking my vision...still I walked without letting them fall...
I have walked several times on this road, carrying loads of bags, which I have shopped...
Now...I walk empty-handed nothing but tears to hold...
Yet I feel like the happiest person in the world...
I never looked back at them...yet I know... my life has changed forever...!


_Ishu...

Iam not Bothered...

Somewhere I couldn’t actually forget, in a crowded queue waiting for a movie ticket...
I bumped into you on my way out...our shoulders brushed and fingers touched...I guessed just a few seconds...
A few seconds that sent shocks through me...a few useless seconds of despair...
Before I could get out of awe and turn around, you were gone...
I did swoon at your touch...a mistaken touch that sent ripples through me...
However, you would never know...nor did u see me and eventually never sensed the chemistry...
Its useless to be thinking about you now...searching you in the vast crowd...
Not knowing your name or had seen your face...or having the guts to take chances...
Not knowing the meaning of our unexpected action, which had effect only on me...
A few seconds that had the ability to keep me awake all night...
You might have come with your girlfriend or your family...
Or there may be another girl in your life...
Iam not bothered...yeah...iam not...
Because...iam never gonna be in your life...even never gonna feel u again...
I know I could never hold your hand and walk down the beach..
Or wait sweet long hours till you get back from work...never...
Yet iam not bothered...
The thing I had with you..what should I call it...?a crush..?maybe...
They are everlasting and never demanding...
I don’t say you are my life and love...never my everything or world...
Nevertheless, you are something...a wonderful and unknown memory...
Oneday...i might fall in love with someone or give my hand in marriage...
That does not make me forget you...coz...you were my first crush...unknown but electrifying crush...
I did always remember the day we bumped into each other for years to come...
You not realising it and I dreaming over it...
You are something I did love to remember someday...while sipping my evening tea with an unknown smile in my lips...

_Ishu...

The Image...


The cold night did have some effect on me...making me pull my jacket around and rub my hands to feel the heat...
Though the road seemed familiar, being alone in a deserted road like this terrified me....
I walked crossing my hands, cursing the taxi that broke down and my mobile that has charged out and got switched off....
I remembered the charge being full until I felt the place...even while in the taxi...!! That was strange..! yet no time to investigate or brood over it...
Cool air brushed my face, the only exposed part sending Goosebumps all over...
The surrounding was spooky with huge black trees, invisible sounds and me trembling all alone...
An owl hooted somewhere...fluttered its wings and flew into the dark sky...
The road weighing me is covered with dry leaves...rustling...and few getting smashed under my feet...
The streetlights half hidden in the overgrown branches of trees flashed distorted light as the branches brushed across them...
Looking back at the darkened road, I appreciated myself for my guts...
I concentrated on something good like birthdays, surprises...but my mind kept reminding me of old scary stories...
Oh..!why now..!!to distract myself I looked up the sky, the moon might cool me...but alas..!!no moon...
It was black, pitch black to be precise...I thought not to look at the trees but I did...!!
Standing big and dark and shaking...they sure did draw my attention..
I could have admired them in daylight but now things are different..
I wished I could fly or click my finger and disappear! Just vanish with the wind than to stand here...
I kept on promising myself never again to walk alone here, to plug my mobile to charge and never ever to be late...
Suddenly there was movement on the other side of the road ,a bush moved lightly...
Something yellowish peeped from them...two yellowish things...eyes...!!!
I froze, I imagined someone or something ready to hunt, kill...eat maybe..!!!
But came a sound...”meow”...gosh a cat...!!!!
A black cat peeped from the bushes and suddenly from there it crossed the road...superstitious or hilarious...!
I watched as the cat lazily crossed the road and turning to watch me before disappearing again...!!
Should I cross or wait for someone to walk pass me and then move on...?!
Noway...i would stay all night..!hmmmm... I walked again...looking at the darkness...
I could see shapes...my imagination again..i tried to shape my fearing imagination..
First a cat with few circles, then a flower with a few more circles...I smiled to myself..
Again a few circles but this time it wasn’t my imagination coz the circles were big..!!!and kept on getting bigger...!!!
The circles now appeared white...the image grew big as if someone was approaching and it was...
I saw an enlarged image, was it a man or a woman...or a ghost...!!!?
The figure was approaching me slowly...with something like a stick in its hands..
Maybe a rod..!!!
I got terrified, wanted to run but found my legs rooted...
I wanted to scream for help but found myself tongue tied...
I looked around for help, but I was all alone, even the kitty has run away...!!!
By the time the image has gotten closer, close enough that I could see the long nails in its hand holding the rod...!!!
I was not sure of the image coz it had a hood exposing only the mouth...the image moved casually as if sensing my non-mobility...
Suddenly it opened its mouth and I could see two sharp teeth...teeth that were ready to bite...drink...taste..
I couldn’t hold longer , I took a long breadth and started to run...realizing my sudden flight, the image took a long leap and landed in front of me...
A loud scream tore from the bottom of my throat...
I opened my eyes and found myself in the backseat of the taxi...
So it was just a dream...whew..!!!i relaxed and even smiled...the driver as if reading my thoughts smiled at me from the rear view mirror..
I saw the time...it was 12.30...i looked out again at the darkness relieved that nothing did happen...
Suddenly the car stopped...the driver tried starting it several times but was unsuccessful...
He looked at me apologetically... hmmm..i knew I had to walk now...I shook my head at him, paid and got outta the car...
Once outside, I realized a familiarity..!!! Have I been here...? Only in your dreams answered my mind...fear seized me...!
I grabbed my bag, opened it and searched for something....
Terror struck when I found my mobile switched off...!

_Ishu...